Staying out for the summer: T in the Park

If you’re old enough to be affected by all this doom and gloom talk of unsustainable debt, a volatile housing market, tumbling share prices, non-existent pensions, bank lending panic and a worsening exchange rate then you’re probably thinking you’ve got no chance of ever celebrating Christmas again.

So you have two choices. You can either flog your golddust tickets for the most in-demand festival in Scotland for three times their face value, or say ‘Fuck it – I’m going to nod my head frantically to British Sea Power while caked in knee-deep mud’. That’s the spirit!

What’s it called? T in the Park.
Where’s it at? Balado, near Kinross, Kinross-shire.
When’s it kicking off? July 10-13.
Who are the headliners? The Verve, Rage Against The Machine, REM.
And the flatliners? Bowling For Soup, The Hoosiers, Reverend & The Makers.
How do the organisers describe it? “An amazing 80,000 festival fans will converge on T in the Park’s beautiful Balado site to enjoy an unforgettable weekend with a mammoth 180 artists playing across 11 stages. TITP HQ have pulled out all the stops to deliver a line-up that will stand head and shoulders above other European festivals.”
What’s its pedigree? This is the 15th year.
What’s the damage? Sold out (tickets).
Most likely to be attended by: People with mates who work in Ticketmaster, hardcore teenagers who slept rough to be first in the queue, geeks with superfast broadband connection, rich kids whose parents have more money than sense. A shitload of neds with none of the above.
Verdict: The decision to make Rage Against The Machine one of this year’s headliners is baffling in the extreme but you can’t deny there’s something for everyone in the line-up. If you can somehow find a way to avoid the toilets, riff-raff and plastic pints of Tennent’s then you’ll be in a music lover’s paradise.

4 REM – Cuyahoga

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