Woo who?

If you’re hoping to woo someone special with a personalised gift on Valentine’s Day then two ideas will almost certainly have crossed your mind: poetry and a mix CD. The Pop Cop can help you with both of these…

Do this. Find a room you can be alone in, turn off the TV, phone and anything else that might distract you. Light a candle. Search deep into your heart and think intensely about your true love, about shared memories and how this unique person has brought unbridled joy into your life. Now write five lines of prose – no more than 100 words in length – onto the bottom half of a sheet of white A4 paper. Done that? Good. Fold the paper horizontally down the middle, fold it in half again and grip it with your fingers. Now take your hand towards the candle, drop the paper into the flame and do nothing until it has burnt to a crisp.

Never write poetry.

Now we’ve cleared that up you can get on with the business of creating a mix CD. Read carefully, this is a compact disc NOT an mp3 playlist – never underestimate the superiority of a gift that is able to physically exist in the universe we inhabit.

OK, we’re not actually going to tell you what to put on your customised compilation. This is a gesture of intimacy. It’s an emotional journey in song that describes the exclusive bond between the two of you.

Scratch that. You want to make their bottom lip tremble like a tumble dryer, right? Then you must give your partner songs that a) they won’t already know and b) that will make them never forget the day they first heard them.

We have just the things at the end of this post. The two MUMFORD & SONS tracks, which were recorded at Radio 1’s Maida Vale studio just a couple of weeks ago, will take your breath away. They’re so incredible we’ve been playing them both on repeat for over an hour at a time. Mark these words: Mumford & Sons will be the biggest band Britain has produced since Coldplay.

Your next dead certs are by EMMY THE GREAT, creator of 2009’s first truly glorious album. Her full-length debut First Love is released this week and not only is it an irresistibly rewarding listening experience, she is a lyrical genius as well. If you fell under the spell of The Reminder by Feist you’ll have a good idea of what kind of delights to expect.

Once these four songs have inspired your senses, you should have few problems filling the rest of that Valentine’s disc. Just keep away from the poetry.

4 Mumford & Sons – Sigh No More (session)
4 Mumford & Sons – The Cave (session)

4 Emmy The Great – Dylan
4 Emmy The Great – Snow
b February 14, King Tut’s, Glasgow (tickets)
b February 15, Moshulu, Aberdeen (tickets)
b February 16, Cabaret Voltaire, Edinburgh (tickets)

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