Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without some generous servings of seasonal naffness. You get the same old classic movies on TV, the default toiletry gift, the lack of rain (have you ever realised that it never rains on December 25?) and somehow it feels right that it should be this way for one day in the year.
Yet there’s always a part of the indie/rock community who simply can’t handle it. They need to feel like they’ve infiltrated the merry mainstream, upset the natural order of things because… well, just because.
This year there’s an online crusade for Rage Against The Machine’s anti-everything ditty Killing In The Name to be Christmas number one. As much as The Pop Cop would rather have a world where nobody buys The X Factor single, is this really the most fitting alternative? Seriously, what’s with all the aggression and anger? Chill out, bro, and pass the cranberry sauce.
If we let the gloom merchants get their way we’d have the family tucking into their turkey at the dinner table with the Glasvegas Christmas album on in the background and James Allan wailing “the breeze from the graveyard keeps murmuring death”. Fuck. Off.
The most shameful thing is that this blog was once a willing participant in such seasonal nihilism. Two years ago, I leant my support to a campaign to get Malcolm Middleton to the Christmas number one spot with We’re All Going To Die. Although it missed out by a mere 30 chart positions, I let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. Personal sins should not require press releases. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.
To make up for it, let’s show you what happens when an indie band gets it oh so right with their attempt at a festive-themed song. Glasgow boys THERE WILL BE FIREWORKS want to share In Excelsis Deo with The Pop Cop readers so immerse yourself in its stunningly beautiful melody, unapologetically giddy lyrics such as “I still can’t sleep on Christmas eve”, a wee bit of white noise and, best of all, Latin. If ever there was an argument for getting your kids privately educated, here it is.
There Will Be Fireworks – In Excelsis Deo
December 20, King Tut’s, Glasgow (tickets)
January 28, Oran Mor, Glasgow (free tickets via The Mill)
February 27, Tunnels, Aberdeen (tickets)
Jack’s Mannequin – The Lights And Buzz (*bonus upbeat Christmas-themed song by alternative rock group)