Don’t panic at the disco

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting at a wedding reception/birthday party/christening/bar mitzvah and the DJ is subjecting you to a medley of Nine To Five, Dancing Queen and YMCA. At this very moment, as your aural senses take a beasting, something completely unexpected happens – your unwritten list of The Best Songs Ever drastically changes.

With no Okkervil River on the playlist and no Clap Your Hands Say Yeah single being lined up, the hero you’re actually holding out for is the indie-disco anthem. Salvation = Mr Brightside, Sex On Fire, Sit Down or What’s My Age Again? Fuck it, you’ll even take Buck Rogers if it means three minutes without Mustang Sally.

However, here’s the twist – normal dancing rules don’t apply. To better explain, The Pop Cop roped in The Poet*, a popular mobile DJ on the Glasgow circuit: “When I play the indie anthems, people just jump up and down on the spot with their fist in the air. It makes me think they’re reliving the experience of being at a live concert. It’s a much different reaction to when I play a dance record. There aren’t the choreographed moves or daft shapes.”

Strangely, indie-disco is the one area in which examples of Scottish success stories are few and far between, especially when you consider that this country has a truckload of bands peddling aggressive ned-rock, wonky electro, middle-of-the-bill indie, satchel-friendly fey-pop and wanky post-rock.

It’s hard to say what’s more depressing – the fact that The Poet was able to name just four Scottish songs from the past decade that would ever crop up in his sets, or what those four songs actually are:

Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out


Snow Patrol – Spitting Games


The Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger


Paolo Nutini – Pencil Full Of Lead


So come on, music-making people of Scotland, put your talents to a more productive use. Think not about the cool kids, but the tortured function suite dwellers overdosing on vol-au-vents and triangular cheese sandwiches. They need you.

And just to prove how easy other nationalities seem to find it, here are some bands heading this way armed with a whole set of songs that drunk students can grope to on the dancefloor:

Two Door Cinema ClubI Can Talk


March 14, King Tut’s, Glasgow (tickets)
July 11, T in the Park, Balado (sold out)

The AutomaticMonster


March 16, King Tut’s, Glasgow (tickets)

The BluetonesSlight Return


April 10, Bongo Club, Edinburgh (tickets)
April 11, Warehouse, Aberdeen (tickets)
April 12, Doghouse, Dundee (tickets)

The FutureheadsHeartbeat Song


April 29, Oran Mor, Glasgow (tickets)

*Email westendpoet@sky.com if you want to hire The Poet to DJ in Glasgow or the surrounding areas

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