01

Apr

The Pop Co-op

"The Co-op feels like the brother we never had" - Broken Records

"I do like you, Co-op" - Pearl And The Puppets

"I love Co-op this much" - Radio 1 DJ and Detour renegade Ally McCrae

"I'd give up my career as a top-10 musician to busk outside Co-op" - Emma's Imagination

"Loitering outside a Co-op beats touring for a living" - The Xcerts

Make no mistake, this is a landmark day in the history of The Pop Cop.

Two months ago, I made a throwaway remark on a blog post about discovering the music of The Avett Brothers in a Co-op supermarket – little did I know some very important people would be reading.

The Co-operative continually strives to find the best new music to enhance their customers’ shopping experience via their in-store Co-operative Radio, and today they have announced a unique partnership with The Pop Cop, which will see the blog rebranded The Pop Co-op.

Avril Narr, Head of Commercial Marketing at The Co-operative, explained: “We admire The Pop Cop and its relentless championing of quality music. We want to tap into that know-how by taking the songs recommended by the blog directly into the aisles of our stores.”

Key figures in the Scottish music scene, including Broken Records, Pearl And The Puppets, Emma’s Imagination, The Xcerts and Radio 1’s Ally McCrae all hailed the The Co-operative’s sponsorship.

The Pop Cop added: “Obviously, I am well aware that commercial tie-ins sit uneasily with music fans, but I feel The Co-operative are one of the more credible supermarkets out there, especially with its attitudes towards ethical trading and carbon reduction, and I intend to invest a portion of the six-figure deal back into the Scottish music scene. And buy that Lotus Elise I’ve had my eye on.”

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS: WHY THE CO-OPERATIVE IS YOUR ONE-STOP SHOP FOR MESSAGES

We have united fruit and veg in the same aisle to make things easier. We stock mandarin but don’t let the twisted melons put you off, you already know it’s good for you. Next to that, the apples of energy drinks will make you run like Flo-Jo. Mango and plum can also be found at the counter’s end. Or check out our fish, just over the Wall’s ice-cream section. If you’re a sea bass kid you’ll be particularly satisfied.

Carnivores should head to our butcher boy, who ships in bear bones from Texas. He’s an admirable fellow, Alex. Cornish pasties are our speciality and have even broken records. The cinnamon’s our secret ingredient. Oops, shouldn’t have revealed that – damn! Mantelpieces and galleries make perfect homes for the gillyflowers, which pop up in beautiful silver columns and will leave you in a state of reverie. Oh you dancer!

Have your exerts made you thirsty? We’ve got orange juice. Ran out of Tango in the attic? We’ve got scores of that too. If you’re in the mood for something a bit stronger, we all know the whisky works, or perhaps you fancy wine sourced from Europe. French? Wives love that type, get a flood of red down her and god help the girl! Beer? Jacket potatoes? Oh my! Low fat milk is good for those who think losing weight is a fight you can’t win. Mere salt is better than a sugar crisis. Errors are often made – just ask any pensioner or the young fathers who call to mind shopping at Co-op – but don’t be frightened. Rabbit stew and horse both make for unconventional yet tasty treats.

Our range of goods is constantly evolving. We were promised jetpacks in the 1990s but that turned out to be garbage. However, we do sell unusual items – there are TV aerials up the back which could be iffy, Biro pens, letters and even my latest novel if the son(s) and daughters are turning 13 and have homework to copy. Haha. There will be fireworks in stock later in the year. Remember, remember the 5th of November – it’s the winter tradition.

If you think you’re on Easy St, deluxe hampers are ideal for couples who want to make sparks when they make love… or fear divorce. Inside, there’s an Arab strap so the Vaseline’s probably a good idea. And a mop. At midnight, Lion Bars are a treat. If there’s not much money in the kitty, the Lion Bars can be kept next to the Boosts and Pastilles in the attic. Lights should remain switched off to keep them cool. It’s the law.

Don’t forget, the Co-op isn’t just good with food. The Co-operative Bank will look after the savings and loan requests of all our customers.

12 Responses to “The Pop Co-op”

  1. Jim Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 00:45

    Why, this is even more inaccurate than the Haddow Fest story! I called up the Co-op and they’ve never even heard of “Avril Narr”. Sloppy journalism and rumours are what is killing Scottish music you know.


  2. Jen Anderson Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 01:49

    Beautifully done Pop Cop


  3. Ben Harrison Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 02:11

    admirable fellow and iffy biro were my favs.


  4. Olaf Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 13:24

    When you have had Scotmid as your landlords you form a very different opinion. They totally dine out on their “ethical” reputation, when in fact they behave deplorably. I was given notice to quit the home I lived in for over six years when I challenged an unjustified rent increase and various matters they consistently failed to sort out. The supermarket’s special offers are overwhelmingly on junk food and crap alcohol and the funeral service wanted to charge me the same for an “environmentally” friendly coffin [a cardboard box] as their most “competitively priced” regular model [£380]. Also, look into the Coop’s treatment of farmers and the fact that unlike the other big supermarket chains, they did not take part in survey calculating their greenhouse gas emissions DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!


  5. name Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 19:35

    This is as bad as a sponsorship with the spar. Jeezo


  6. mirseven Says:

    April 1st, 2011 at 22:55

    Nice one!


  7. poppedcock Says:

    April 2nd, 2011 at 16:01

    I think this is a crappy April Fools – Avril Narr is ‘April fool’ in French and German respectively


  8. Sam Dick Says:

    April 2nd, 2011 at 17:20

    Lol @ Jim


  9. Olaf Says:

    April 4th, 2011 at 04:35

    Nice One! Scotmid gives me the red mist which prevented me from reading on. Mind you, the Coop did sponsor Belladrum last year.


  10. The Pop Cop Says:

    April 4th, 2011 at 09:17

    If you were playing the ‘guess the puns’ game, there were a total of 74 Scottish acts in the “A word from our sponsors” section:
    1. United Fruit; 2. Manda Rin; 3. The Twisted Melons; 4. You Already Know; 5.Apples Of Energy; 6.Jo Mango; 7.Plum; 8. Endor; 9. Over The Wall; 10.Sea Bass Kid; 11. Carnivores; 12. Butcher Boy; 13. Bear Bones; 14. Texas; 15. Admiral Fallow; 16. Alex Cornish; 17. Broken Records; 18. The Cinnamons; 19. Dam Mantle; 20. Galleries; 21. The Gillyflowers; 22. Popup; 23. Silver Columns; 24. Reverie; 25. Oh You Dancer; 26. The Xcerts; 27. Orange Juice; 28. Tango In The Attic; 29. Scores; 30. The Whisky Works; 31. French Wives; 32. Flood Of Red; 33. God Help The Girl; 34. Beerjacket; 35. Mylo; 36. Milk; 37. A Fight You Can’t Win; 38. Meursault; 39. Sugar Crisis; 40. Errors; 41. Pensioner; 42. Young Fathers; 43. Call To Mind; 44. Frightened Rabbit; 45. Horse; 46. We Were Promised Jetpacks; 47. 1990s; 48. Garbage; 49. Aerials Up; 50. Biffy Clyro; 51. Letters; 52. My Latest Novel; 53. The Son(s); 54. Sons And Daughters; 55. Turning 13; 56. Homework; 57. Copy Haho; 58. There Will Be Fireworks; 59. Remember, Remember; 60. The Winter Tradition; 61. St Deluxe; 62. Make Sparks; 63. Make Love; 64. Divorce; 65. Arab Strap; 66. The Vaselines; 67. Mopp; 68. Midnight Lion; 69. Kitty The Lion; 70. The Boosts; 71. The Pastels; 72. Attic Lights; 73. The Law; 74. The Savings And Loan


  11. Anonymous Says:

    April 4th, 2011 at 12:44

    Oh look, lots of Glasgow bands. Yawn.


  12. Jim Says:

    April 4th, 2011 at 17:21

    Bands from elsewhere should make their names more pun-tastic.


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