May 23, 2013: A Music Open Day is being held at Aberdeen’s Lemon Tree on May 26 with a programme that includes three music industry panels, a soundcheck workshop and live music from Revere, Uniform, Leanne Smith and Marionettes. Free tickets to the evening show will be available to anyone who attends the free seminars during the day.
The Wickerman Festival has added Admiral Fallow, Chic ft Nile Rodgers, Dreadzone, Waylayers and Greg Wilson to its line-up on July 26-27.
Algernon Doll’s track Anti-them is available for free download – it’s taken from second album Citalo-pop, due for release on June 10.
May 22, 2013: The Basement Coffee House in Ayr has been shortlisted by NME as Scotland’s representative in a public vote to find the best small venue in Britain. The 80-capacity venue opened eight months ago.
Tomorrow’s second instalment of the Dewar House Experimental Batch series sees Edinburgh’s Caves host free live music from Kid Canaveral, The Last Battle and Adam Ross (Randolph’s Leap). There will be 550 tickets available on the door on a first come, first served basis.
May 21, 2013: Camera Obscura song Fifth In Line To The Throne is available for free download in exchange for an email address. It’s taken from the band’s fifth album Desire Lines, out on June 3, and pre-ordering it will get you another track, Do It Again.
Book Group have released their debut EP, Homeward Sound.
Sparrow And The Workshop’s third album Murderopolis, out on May 27, is streaming in full via DIY - one of the songs, The Faster You Spin, is also available for free download.
May 20, 2013: Garden Of Elks’ debut EP, Extended Play, is available to buy and stream.
The Clock have a video for their excellent song Everything’s Eventual, which is released on May 28. They have Glasgow gigs lined up at Broadcast on June 1 and Roxy 171 on June 20.
May 18, 2013: The 16-strong T Break line-up for T in the Park on July 12-14 has been unveiled - Arches, Blindfolds, DARC, Fake Major, Hector Bizerk, Honeyblood, Machines In Heaven, Michael Cassidy, Poor Things, Pronto Mama, Seams, Sunshine Social, The Merrylees, The Velveteen Saints, Vasa, Waiting For Go.
Anna Sweeney has announced she is taking a full break from music and has cancelled her scheduled appearance at Wickerman in July as she relocates to Reading for work in June. Another musician swapping Scotland for England is Plum, who is moving to Brighton in July.
May 17, 2013: The stage times have been released for the 35 acts playing Stag & Dagger across seven Glasgow venues on May 18.
Franz Ferdinand’s fourth album Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action will be released on August 26 – check out this brief trailer.
Frightened Rabbit recorded a cover of Best Coast’s The Only Place for Australian radio show Triple J. The band release their Late March, Death March EP on June 2.
The Mouse That Ate The Cat song When I Wake Up is available for free in exchange for your email address.
The title track of Adam Stafford’s forthcoming second album Imaginary Walls Collapse is streaming here.
May 16, 2013: The Discopolis remix of Bwani Junction single Civil War is available to download for free from SoundCloud.
Born To Be Wide’s next seminar at Edinburgh’s Electric Circus on May 30 is on the topic of goNORTH, with a panel featuring broadcaster Vic Galloway, goNORTH duo Amanda Millen and Alex Smith and Chasing Owls frontman Ben Sunderland explaining how musicians and delegates can get the most out of the annual Inverness convention. Tickets are free.
AC/DC have backed a campaign to erect a bronze statue of their former frontman Bon Scott in his hometown of Kirriemuir in Angus. Community music group DD8 Music hope to raise £50,000 via Kickstarter by June 5.
Kite And The Crane’s debut EP, Found In The End, is out on Bandcamp.
May 15, 2013: Biffy Clyro have a video for their new single Opposite.
The View are playing a one-off show at Glasgow’s King Tut’s on June 12 for the Sunday Mail Centenary Fund.
Adam Stafford is launching his second album Imaginary Walls Collapse with a gig at Glasgow’s Glad Cafe on July 5 with support from Siobhan Wilson and Robbie Lesiuk.
May 14, 2013: The Wee Chill will mark its 10th anniversary with a two-stage bill at Glasgow’s SWG3 on June 29 for the West End Festival. The line-up features Malcolm Middleton, James Yorkston with Sparrow & The Workshop (collaborative debut), Aidan Moffat (spoken word), Three Blind Wolves, Roddy Hart & The Lonesome Fire, Miaoux Miaoux, Fake Major.
Tommy Perman, who recently left FOUND, has unveiled his new solo project ComputerScheisse – check out These Beautiful Minds, the title track of his debut EP, out on July 15 through Phuturelabs.
RockNess have announced more acts for the festival on June 7-9 including Fenech-Soler, Fatherson, Public Service Broadcasting, The Boy Who Trapped The Sun, Niteworks and Jemma Tweedie.
Too Many Fireworks Records will donate all profits from sales of Variations Of Chopin, an album of contemporary interpretations of the composer’s music, to the fundraising campaign for drummer Robbie Cooper, whose cancer fight was documented on The Pop Cop.
May 13, 2013: New releases out now include Young Aviators’ debut album Self Help, Eagleowl’s debut album This Silent Year, and Cherri Fosphate’s new Burning Youth EP.
May 10, 2013: The live schedule for goNORTH in Inverness on June 5-6 has been unveiled – it includes a Scottish Bloggers Showcase hosted by The Pop Cop, Peenko and Song, by Toad featuring a four-band bill of Garden Of Elks, Friends In America, The Yawns and Flutes.
May 9, 2013: The documentary Hunting For Remoteness details The Magnetic North’s visit to Orkney – where frontman Erland Cooper is from – for the making of their debut album. It will be released on June 24 alongside a reissue of that record, Orkney: Symphony Of The Magnetic North. You can watch the trailer here.
Alphabetical Order Orchestra are streaming their first song, The Architect. The band is made up of My Latest Novel members Chris Deveney, Gary Deveney and Ryan King.
A Band Called Quinn have launched a crowdfunding campaign to support performances of their multimedia show Biding Time (remix) at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August.
May 8, 2013: Three Blind Wolves have released their new album, Sing Hallelujah For The Old Machine.
May 7, 2013: Adam Stafford’s new single Please is streaming online – it’s taken from his second album Imaginary Walls Collapse, out in July.
May 6, 2013: The T in the Park Roadshow is bringing free live music to Scottish towns this month – it stops at Glasgow today for The View at Kelvingrove Park (1pm) and Buchanan Street (3.30pm); Edinburgh on May 10 for Vigo Thieves at Queen Margaret University’s Student Union (noon), Dundee on May 11 for The LaFontaines at Overgate Centre (noon); Aberdeen on May 12 for Sienna at Aberdeen University (noon); and Ayr on May 18 for The Redettes at Ayr Railway Station (noon).
Fake Major have a video for Fiction, a song on their Have Plenty Of Fun EP. Fellow Comets & Cartwheels artist Finn LeMarinel has a new video for Garden, taken from his debut album Violence.
Capitals have released a sampler of all the tracks on their debut album A National Service, out on June 3.
May 3, 2013: Episode 11 of BBC ALBA’s Rapal music TV programme is on iPlayer and features Cara Mitchell, Brown Bear & The Bandits, Three Blind Wolves and Anna Sweeney.
Steve Mason has accused Samsung of plagiarising the video for The Beta Band’s 2004 single Assessment for their new television advert. Both show historical figures running down a beach and helicopters circling overhead.
May 2, 2013: Young Aviators’ debut album Self Help is streaming on Electric Honey’s SoundCloud ahead of its release on May 13.
May 1, 2013: Travis have a video for Where You Stand, the first single and title track of the band’s seventh album, out on August 19.
Fake Major’s debut EP, Have Plenty Of Fun, is available for download.
My Latest Novel have gone on hiatus, with three of the members forming Alphabetical Order Orchestra - look out for music from them next week.
Kobi Onyame has a video for his new single The Real Part 2.
Trapped In Kansas have unveiled new song Collapse Rebuild.
Rob St John’s new AA single Charcoal Black And The Bonny Grey/Shallow Brown is out now.
April 30, 2013: Boards Of Canada will release Tomorrow’s Harvest, their first new album in eight years, on June 10.
Quickbeam song Immersed is available to download for free from DIY – you can also listen to snippets from every track of the band’s self-titled debut album, out on June 3.
Discopolis have unveiled the video for their new song Falling (Committed To Sparkle Motion), out on May 5.
April 29, 2013: The SAY Award will stream each of the 20 longlisted albums for 24 hours through their app, starting today with Miaoux Miaoux’s Light Of The North. You can read The Pop Cop’s feature here.
Panda Su’s new song MAPS is available to buy now on Amazon, while Bwani Junction’s new single Civil War is on iTunes.
The Boy Who Trapped The Sun has a video for new song California ahead of his May tour in Scotland.
The Pastels have a video for Check My Heart, taken from their forthcoming new album Slow Summits, out on May 27.
Frank Turner covered Frightened Rabbit’s The Modern Leper for Jim Gellatly’s In:Demand Uncut session.
April 27, 2013: Episode 10 of BBC ALBA’s Rapal music TV programme is on iPlayer and features two fantastic unreleased songs by Beerjacket as well as The Holy Ghosts, The Merrylees and Ray McCartney.
Travis, Johnny Marr, Hurts, James Skelly, Jack Savoretti, Willy Mason, Foy Vance, Steve Mason, Milo Greene and DIIV have been added to the T in the Park line-up, which has now been separated into day-by-day splits.
Edinburgh venue The Forest Cafe, which has been banned from hosting live music due to council restrictions, are looking for acts to play their new monthly event, the Forest Big Night Out at Old St Paul’s, which launches on May 23. Email foresteventsedinburgh@gmail.com for details.
April 26, 2013: The Burns an’ a’ that! Festival will feature live music as part of Weekend in the Park at Ayr’s Belleisle Park on May 25-26. Rose Parade, Little Fire, Pronto Mama and The Bluebells are among the free acts; Justin Currie + Rachel Sermanni play a ticketed gig on May 26.
Other newly-announced concerts on sale include Lana Del Rey + Kassidy at Glasgow’s SECC on May 16 (replacing her two dates at the Academy on May 15/16) Bombay Bicycle Club at Edinburgh’s Liquid Room on June 7, Belle & Sebastian at Inverness’ Ironworks on July 1, We Are Scientists at Glasgow’s Oran Mor on July 29, Kid Canaveral + Ballboy at Edinburgh’s Liquid Room on August 10.
Kid Canaveral + The Last Battle + Adam Ross (Randolph’s Leap) also play a free show at Edinburgh’s Caves on May 23 with 300 tickets on the door on a first come, first served basis as part of a Dewar’s event.
April 25, 2013: Seasick Steve, The Pigeon Detectives, Julie Fowlis, Meursault, Washington Irving, PAWS and The LaFontaines have been added to the Belladrum Festival line-up on August 2-3.
Washington Irving have released Palomides Volume 1, the first half of their debut album.
The View are streaming Kill Kyle, one of two new songs on their compilation album Seven Year Setlist, out on June 17.
April 24, 2013: The showcase list of artists picked to play goNORTH in Inverness on June 5-6 has been announced. For the third consecutive year there will be a bloggers’ showcase stage hosted by The Pop Cop, Peenko and Song, by Toad. More details to follow soon.
Kilmarnock’s Dirty Weekender will feature 45 acts over three venues on May 31 to June 2 including Fridge Magnets, Bwani Junction, The Ok Social Club, Ross Leighton (Fatherson) and Chris Helme.
Poor Things’ new single Morgan is free to download – it’s taken from their Hurricane Poor Things EP, out on June 10.
Similarly, Cherri Fosphate are giving away Wool from their Burning Youth EP, out on May 11.
April 23, 2013: Glasvegas will play Aberdeen’s Garage on June 27, Edinburgh’s Liquid Room on June 28 and Glasgow’s ABC on June 29.
Reverieme’s second album With Up So Floating is out now.
Roddy Hart & The Lonesome Fire have announced they will release their self-titled new album through Middle Of Nowhere Records in July.
Herculean have a video for Red Weather, taken from The Falling Thunder EP, out on June 7.
April 22, 2013: Stag & Dagger have added Phosphorescent, Rachel Sermanni, Randolph’s Leap, French Wives, Fake Major, Prides, Chris Devotion & The Expectations and Donald Macdonald & The Islands to the Glasgow festival’s line-up on May 18.
Episode 9 of BBC ALBA’s Rapal music TV programme is on iPlayer and features Brown Bear & The Bandits, Cara Mitchell, The Open Day Rotation and John Wean.
Texas have unveiled a video for The Conversation, the title track from their first album in eight years, out on May 20.
Bronagh & The Boys have released their debut single Green, taken from A Young Heart EP, out on May 19.
April 19, 2013: Kassidy’s Barrie-James O’Neill and his girlfriend Lana Del Rey have recorded a cover of Summer Wine (made famous by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood), backed with a video featuring handheld footage of the pair in Los Angeles.
My Bloody Valentine, Trash Talk, Fidlar and The VirginMarys have been added to the T in the Park line-up.
April 18, 2013: Pre-sale tickets are available for Regina Spektor at Glasgow’s Academy on August 20 and Kings Of Leon at the ciry’s Bellahouston Park on August 15, the latter being part of the Glasgow Summer Sessions.
The Mirror Trap have unveiled a video for Westminster Ghost Story, the first track to be taken from their second album Stay Young, due out this autumn.
April 17, 2013: Midnight Lion have changed their name to Prides and expanded to a trio with the addition of Kitty The Lion’s Callum Wiseman on guitar and vocals. To coincide with the announcement, they have unveiled wonderfully addictive new song Out Of The Blue.
T in the Park have added Local Natives, Lucy Rose, Swim Deep, Theme Park, Lewis Watson and Sons & Lovers to the festival on July 12-14.
April 16, 2013: Doune The Rabbit Hole have announced that this year’s festival will take place at the new location of Cardross Estate at Port of Menteith in Stirlingshire on August 22-25. The line-up features Clinic, Meursault, Rachel Sermanni, Alasdair Roberts, Washington Irving, The Pastels, PAWS, Beerjacket, Rick Redbeard, We Are The Physics, Randolph’s Leap, Siobhan Wilson, Panda Su, Shambles Miller, Jo Mango and TeenCanteen. See here for full day-by-day splits.
April 15, 2013: James and Twin Atlantic will headline the Belladrum Tartan Heart Festival on August 2-3. Other acts on the bill include Admiral Fallow, Fatherson, Rick Redbeard, Noisettes, The Horrors and King Charles.
April 13, 2013: Edinburgh’s live music scene has suffered yet another setback with Forest Cafe having its live music licence reviewed, causing the immediate postponement of gigs there, starting with the Solas Showcase scheduled for today.
Newsnight Scotland featured a report on the music industry on April 10, prompted by the Wide Days convention in Edinburgh. Watch the segment on BBC iPlayer, with contributions from Stanley Odd’s Dave Hook, Plum’s Shona Maguire, Chemikal Underground’s Stewart Henderson, Wide Days organiser Olaf Furniss and journalist Nicola Meighan. The interviews were conducted by Galleries drummer Andrew Black.
April 12, 2013: Episode 8 of BBC ALBA’s Rapal music TV programme is on iPlayer and features Niteworks, The Holy Ghosts, Miaoux Miaoux and The Merrylees.
Eagleowl have unveiled Not Over, the first offering from debut album This Silent Year, which will come out through Fence Records on May 13.
Dear Lara, aka David Lan, has released his debut EP Plans as a free download.
April 11, 2013: Capitals’ debut album A National Service will come out on June 3, with those who pre-order it (from just £5) getting an immediate download of any of the record’s 11 tracks, one of which is Reliever.
The View will release singles compilation Seven Year Setlist on June 17 – the album features two new songs, Dirty Magazine and Kill Kyle.
Several Scottish acts have posted tracks from forthcoming new albums – check out Washington Irving – Wandering Wits, United Fruit – Taste I Can’t Give Up and Hector Bizerk – Orchestrated Madness.
April 10, 2013: Promoters Cry Parrot will host their 6th Birthday Party at Glasgow’s Glue Factory on April 26 with a gig featuring Sacred Paws, Hector Bizerk, Tut Vu Vu, Ultimate Thrush, Ela Orleans and Sad City.
Three Blind Wolves are previewing Slow Summer Deer, taken from their Sing Hallelujah For The Old Machine album, released on May 6.
Where We Lay Our Heads single Keanu Leaves is out now.
Great Cop are giving away new song Stop Hiding as a free download.
April 9, 2013: Mogwai guitarist John Cummings uploaded a photo of himself at Glasgow’s George Square yesterday where more than 300 people gathered, inspired by his band’s 2011 song George Square Thatcher Death Party.
Hi-Arts, which promotes arts in the Highlands and Islands, has issued notices of redundancies to all 10 of its staff in the wake of funding cuts.
April 8, 2013: Fridge Magnets will play a ‘silent gig’ at a secret outdoor location in Glasgow on May 15 (6pm) – tickets can be won through organisers Deezer. The band will perform inside a mobile perspex box with the 300-capacity audience able to hear them through headphones.
Kassidy have released new mini-album People Like Me.
April 7, 2013: Song Of Return have launched their Singles Club project on Bandcamp through which they’ll be selling unreleased tracks. Month 1 contains Torn Between The Tides (see video) and Enough.
Cairn String Quartet, who were profiled on The Pop Cop in March, have unveiled their orchestral cover of Kid Canaveral’s Low Winter Sun.
Travis have made new song Another Guy available to download for free through their website. It also has a video.
April 6, 2013: The following 16 HMV and Fopp stores in Scotland will remain open following Hilco’s takeover – HMV: Aberdeen, Ayr, Dundee, East Kilbride, Edinburgh Fort Kinnaird, Edinburgh Ocean Terminal, Edinburgh Princes St, Glasgow Argyle St, Glasgow Buchanan St, Glasgow Fort, Inverness, Livingston, Stirling; Fopp: Edinburgh; Glasgow Union St; Glasgow Byres Rd.
Bwani Junction have a video for new single Civil War, out on April 29.
Rachel Sermanni and Emma’s Imagination are among the acts playing the Kintyre Songwriters Festival in Campbeltown on May 24-26.
Quickbeam will launch their debut album with a gig at the disused Govanhill Baths in Glasgow on May 31. They will be supported by Fake Major whose debut Have Plenty Of Fun EP comes out on May 1.
April 5, 2013: Spotify director Mark Williamson will give the keynote speech at next week’s Wide Days event in Edinburgh as part of a session on the business of streaming. The full running order is here.
Episode 7 of BBC ALBA’s Rapal music TV programme is on iPlayer and features Anna Sweeney, Cara Mitchell, Discopolis and Paul McGranaghan.
Dot JR has uploaded new song Waterfalls to SoundCloud.
April 4, 2013: The Tiree Music Festival will take place in An Talla on July 20-21 with a bill that includes Roddy Hart & The Lonesome Fire, Washington Irving, The Youth And Young and Brown Bear & The Bandits.
Galleries’ fantastic new single Midnight Rush is out now.
Casual Sex have made a video for their debut single Stroh 80. They play Glasgow’s Nice ‘n’ Sleazy on April 5 and Oran Mor on April 7.
April 3, 2013: Comlongon Rocks have added a third day of live music to its line-up at Comlongon Castle in Dumfries & Galloway on May 17-19. The festival’s line-up features Three Blind Wolves, Emma’s Imagination, The OK Social Club and Saint Max.
Chem 19 are offering three days of free recording time to five Scottish acts through their Creative Scotland Demo Fund. To apply, musicians (under-25s only) should email a link to some demos and a bio to info@chem19.co.uk with the subject Chem19 Demo Fund Enquiry before April 26. Chosen acts will also take part in a live showcase.
Siobhan Wilson + Julia And The Doogans + Jo Mango will play Glasgow’s Roxy 171 on June 26 as part of the Scottish Fiction Presents: Aye Tunes vs Peenko night at the West End Festival.
April 2, 2013: Acts confirmed for The Insider Festival in Aviemore on June 21-23 include Rachel Sermanni, Karine Polwart, Hector Bizerk, Urstan, David Thomas Broughton, Miaoux Miaoux, Pete Roe, Jonnie Common, Adam Holmes And The Embers and Sparrow And The Workshop.
Up-and-coming acts can apply to play the Hebridean Celtic Festival in Stornoway on July 17-20 through their One Step Further competition which is open to musicians aged 18-25. To enter, artists need to email office@hebceltfest.com with the subject HebCelt New Talent Submissions and include links to three songs, a biog and high-res photo. Closing date is April 12.
April 1, 2013: Quickbeam’s self-titled debut album will be released through Comets & Cartwheels on June 3 – check out the video for lead track Immersed which will be available as a free download on April 29.
We Were Promised Jetpacks will headline the second night of the three-day Solas Festival in Perthshire on June 22.
Minor Delilah will be giving away copies of their new EP, Only Dust Can Hear You, to anyone who attends their launch gig at Glasgow’s Classic Grand on May 3.
04
Jul
Shambles Miller goes speed dating
Guys who play guitar get all the girls, right? Not necessarily.
For some unfathomable reason, Glaswegian singer-songwriter Shambles Miller’s relationship status hasn’t flinched from ‘single’ for a year despite his ability to dream up laugh-out-loud verses such as: “Well, the world’s about to end, so let’s be more than friends… like maybe naked friends.”
In fact, you could be forgiven for thinking his lyrical prowess works against him. Shambles recalls how an acquaintance who had just witnessed one of his live performances asked why he wasn’t that funny in everyday life. Ouch.
On the 25-year-old’s new single, Confessions, he sings: “The world doesn’t really need another break-up song.” He’s dead right, it doesn’t. What this hopeless romantic needs is to escape his comfort zone, take his droll wit and superior social ranking (i.e. musician) with him, and give his material the audience it deserves.
Shambles needs to go speed dating.
XfactorDates.com agree to waive their usual £20 fee to let The Pop Cop send Mr Miller to one of their regular events at Merchant City restaurant Fanelli’s. I meet Shambles at a neighbouring pub an hour before it starts to get the prep right (two pints of stong beer + mints) and work out a tactical strategy that will woo the ladies: Tell them you’re a singer, throw some of your lyrical one-liners into the conversation, watch their knees buckle.
GSOH, handsome and a musician. I mean, how could he possibly fail?
__________________________________________________
By Shambles Miller
Despite how that photo looks, I arrive at Fanelli’s feeling confident. Perhaps it’s the beer, or maybe it’s something akin to the embarrassment-shield worn by those people who work on hidden camera shows. There are seven guys and 10 girls in total. I like that ratio. The hostess takes us to the upstairs balcony, which has been set aside for the occasion, to explain how the night will work and before I know it, I’m sitting down to talk to my first date…
#1 - I tell her I’m a musician but there’s only mild interest. We end up talking about karaoke. I use a wee white lie I’ve prepared – that a friend and I decided to sign up for speed dating after a few pints, but he chickened out. This allows me to use my lyric: “Everything seems like a good idea after you’ve had at least three pints of beer.” She laughs. The four minutes are soon up and the hostess moves me along to the next table.
#2 - Blonde, attractive and friendly. My second date seems genuinely interested when I tell her I’m a musician. “Reeeally? So you’re quite artistic?” she asks. “And you’re a good singer?”
I answer modestly and we go on to mock the X Factor for a bit. This prompts her to wonder: “Do you mind making a fool of yourself, accidentally or on purpose?”
This seems like a perfect opportunity to use my lyric from Rapture, the one that someone told me I should use as a chat-up line.
“…and the line is?” she asks.
After a bit of preamble (Preambles Miller), I tell her it’s: “Let’s be more than friends…like maybe naked friends.”
She smiles. I tell her I’ve never used it as an actual chat-up line.
“But you have used it in your lyrics and have sang it numerous times…”
I agree, yes, true enough.
“How has that worked for you?” she quizzes, smilingly and ever-so-slightly cheekily.
I tell her it usually gets a laugh and she laughs a little too, before remarking: “I think that’s brilliant, I think if somebody’s got the confidence to do that, you know…”
Our conversation is going well. She’s so pleasant to talk to that I briefly wonder why she has come speed dating. The hostess calls time. I apologise earnestly for only talking about myself. I really mean it, as I do with every date who has to put up with my “I’m a musician” patter.
“I actually really quite enjoyed that chat,” #2 tells me as I move on, seeming genuinely but pleasantly surprised. Smiling, but ever-so-slightly seriously, she adds: “Don’t be telling anyone else the lines, though.” I think this date has been a success!
#3 – I can tell right away that we’re unlikely to be a romantic match but we’re quite at ease with each other. I quickly decide I’m not going to give her much lyrics chat, with #2′s parting comment fresh in my mind. We talk a bit about speed dating and I opine that it’s good to say yes to things. It’s this attitude that led me to take up The Pop Cop’s proposal in the first place, but it certainly translates to the experience of speed dating. She asks what I work as. She slightly misinterprets my music career as a hobby when I tell her that I have a part-time job in order to fund my music. She asks if I play “pubs or what?” - a common question from people who perhaps aren’t particularly into their local music scene. I get this question from taxi drivers a lot. I tell her I’ll play anywhere that’ll have me and pay me. The bell rings.
#4 – Tall, blonde and in her thirties. This lady looks less than interested even before I sit down. It’s the most awkward opening off the bat and she tells me she was brought here by her friend. We laugh slightly over the fact that as a solo musician, I don’t have to share the limelight with anyone. She asks if I play guitar. I tell her yes and that I’m a singer-songwriter.
“Good for you,” she replies, in a manner that I know can seem patronising but is the honest reaction of, again, the type of person who perhaps isn’t familiar with their local music scene, or indeed, musicians in general. It’s the sort of “good for you” that wouldn’t sound out of place being issued to someone who has overcome a disability in order to pursue their dreams or who is running a marathon or wrestling a tiger to raise money for charity.
“No X Factor?” she asks, with a hint of sarcasm. I’m clearly not an X Factor candidate.
I introduce a lyric I’m equally proud and ashamed of: “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, but it never makes your hard-on stronger.”
She laughs a little, not uncomfortably, and surprisingly looks like she has warmed to me a bit. I ramble a bit about music and move to the next table.
#5 – I’m relieved as I sit down as this girl looks friendly and approachable. We have a fun chat about scuba diving and I tell her a bit about my music. We’re getting on and I decide not to wedge a daft lyric into a genuine, flowing conversation. She tells me she’s going write in her comments box: “Musician. Funny.”
BREAK - During the break, the hostess gives me some inside info. It seems one woman told her: “Y’know, I’m really surprised, I didn’t expect to tick anyone tonight, but I’ve ticked someone!” Turns out it was me. I head back to the second half with a wee ego boost. This is going well, I decide.
#6 - Not so for #6, as it turns out. She’s having a fairly horrific time. It seems some of my male counterparts have been less than scintillating company. Or, to put it more simply, her last date was a fucking weirdo. We joke about this for a bit and somehow I manage to wedge in the lyric that in my previous relationship: “I knew that it could never last the day that she told me she hated my David Bowie impression.” Fortunately for everyone involved she doesn’t ask to hear it.
“Is that important to you then?” she asks.
“Well, who doesn’t love the Goblin King?” I reply, paraphrasing my song Confessions.
Despite #6 having a bad time up until this point, we have a good laugh and I feel like I might have cheered her up by the time I leave the table. I don’t reckon there’s a spark, but we had a good chat about Danny Wallace, Scientology and sacrificial goats.
#7 - I’ll be honest, #7 is a bit of a knockout. Smiling, she makes fun of the fact that I’m holding two drinks. I laugh, combine my pints into one, and we move away from the subject of my casual alcoholism. I feel quite relaxed talking to her, even when she jokes about me being here alone. She admits she googled, ‘Good questions for speed dating’ and I use this as an opportunity to try the lyric: “If you could live forever, what would you do?” before telling her that: “First, I’d watch every movie, then I’d read every book and one day I might learn how to cook.”
She makes fun of my lack of culinary skills and fast becomes my favourite. I’d make fun of her for something in return, but what? “Jings, you must have fallen out of the friendly, attractive tree. Did you hit all the lovely branches on the way down?”
We talk about vegans, not fondly. “Cows don’t care if you eat dairy,” I say, waxing philosophical about chips and cheese. She laughs. I realise my own patter is going down better than my attempts to shoehorn in daft lyrics. Just as she asks if I’m a songwriter, I’m moved on. Cheerio #7, you were a delight.
#8 - Surprisingly, #8 is the first girl of the night who seems a bit nervous. It turns out she’s driving home and therefore unable to drink. Speed dating without social lubricant: I’m impressed. “Mad props,” I say, and immediately regret it. She asks what I do and I tell her I’m a musician.
“Oh! Really?” Her reaction is even more positive than #2.
“I have so much admiration for artists,” she tells me, “they’re living their dream, doing what they love-”. She gets cut off at this point by the hostess. I tell her it was lovely to meet her, and mean it.
#9 - On the home stretch now! It turns out #9 came along with #8. We end up talking about a friend of mine, since they used to work in the same place. I get the feeling he’d have done better on this date than me. Off to the final table!
#10 - Even before my trousers touch the seat, #10 tells me that I seem very confident. Perhaps this is in comparison to the others, but I suppose I have been quite self-assured and strangely at ease with the whole thing. I put this down to a mixture of beer, my loquaciousness (ability to talk shite at length), and my hidden agenda.
It’s not until #10′s comment that I realise I’ve kind of put on the guise of Shambles Miller, which I only really have in situations related to my music career – gigs, live sessions, interviews, etc. I’ve essentially been talking to all of these women with the gallus nature my ego rewards me with after I come off stage from a good gig. This gallusness is usually used to sell CDs but it is interesting that I’ve been able to trick myself into adopting it outwith those arenas.
The hostess rings the bell to announce that this bizarre, fun night is at an end.
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Shambles Miller links: website, Facebook, Twitter, SoundCloud and Bandcamp
July 6: Vespbar, Glasgow – Confessions single launch: Shambles Miller supported by Julia And The Doogans and Trusty And The Foe (£3)






6 Responses to “Shambles Miller goes speed dating”
July 4th, 2012 at 04:29
Did he get any follow up response from any of the ladies?
Great post!
July 4th, 2012 at 10:21
Will we get a ‘where are they now’ type post in 6 months?
July 4th, 2012 at 16:02
Mr Shambles, I salute you good sir!
July 6th, 2012 at 12:33
I’ll do my best to keep you updated on any developments with Shambles Miller’s love life
July 15th, 2012 at 10:27
hahaha, i am so out of the loop! I had no idea about this. Nice work fellas!
July 23rd, 2012 at 18:28
So you’re claiming to have sunk two pints before and two during? This is clearly an utter fabrication, everyone knows you’re a half-a-shandy Randy. “Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder but I tried it once and shat my breeks.”
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